Relationship Ideas for 2022

  • Use Observational language (1st component of NVC)to describe what’s happening in the given moment. Take out the exaggerated language (the always and the nevers)and take out the “you” language (which, leaves using “I” language which, means I will take responsibility for myself-no blame, no one is the cause of my behavior, sure my partner may be a variable but not the cause). Also, take out the assumptions, which are often rooted in judgment.
  • Here’s sample language: “When you do this (just the observations, ‘mam) I feel this emotion” (the 2nd component of NVC- but beware the faux feelings like “I feel lonely” (a feeling)versus “I feel abandoned,” (a faux feeling)after all abandonment would be my experience (or judgment), not a fact of the matter.
  • I will share what I value or need ( 3rd componant of NVC). Here are typical universal needs/values, which are helpful to recognize to humanize our partnerships, and furthermore, they say depression is a state of alienation of our unmet needs! We all seek: sustenance, compassion, protection, rest, understanding, meaning, autonomy, play and interdependence. Seeking to express what my needs and values are may sound like this: “When you walk away when I am speaking, I feel sad and disconnected, because I value our connection…”
  • And I will make an ask, not a demand (4th component), which can sound like this: “Would you be willing to explore this with me now?”
  • Non verbal body language matters, by the way. (eye rolling or eye daggers don’t match the premise of communication to build relationship. I will soften my belly (try it, it’s a thing) and soften my eyes (that’s more elusive, but I think it means seeing your person with eyes of compassion. Using the breath to anchor your words helps).
  1. Breathe. Ground your feet. Become the Observer (BTO). Respond from here. Right here and now, you have CHOICE to respond instead of react.
  2. Try Something New!




passionate being healer, writer, lover.

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Jane S Mizrahi

Jane S Mizrahi

passionate being healer, writer, lover.

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